My sister has been shoved in my face recently

by Loolwa Khazzoom • May 22, 2010 • Family Secrets

My sister has been shoved in my face a whole lot recently. Or should I say my biological sister. Or the sister I once had.

Decades of hurtful and antagonistic behavior on her part has left me wanting nothing to do with her and resentful that people keep calling her my sister and informing me of her latest shenanigans. These reports inevitably trigger me and leave me in some state of misery or other for hours, days, or weeks at a time.

So I did work with my 12-step sponsor on the issue of resentments. And wanting to be in charge of the show, which leads to butting heads with the universe.

I am pissed that my sister has behaved in ways that have had a ripple effect on my life – in other words, that do not allow me to quietly go my way. I am resentful of the way that people compare her and me according to superficial markers (like having a PhD or physically birthing a child) and go on to make all kinds of judgments based on these markers — drawing conclusions without knowing shit about her, me, or the back story.

I am pissed that we remain connected through a web of biological circumstance and cultural norms. And most of all, I am pissed that I cannot be part of her life. Because despite everything, I love her and miss her and would throw down my armor in a heartbeat. And I hate being reminded of it.

There is only so much narcissism, jealousy, victim mentality, and abuse that one can take before throwing in the towel. At some point, I had to accept that my sister’s behavior is toxic to my well-being, and I had to close the door. When people sledgehammer it open, they fuck with my sanity and serenity.

Why do people insist on treating biological relations as sacrosanct, despite circumstance? Wake up and pay attention to the staggering levels of family violence and to the extreme betrayal and dysfunction running rampant in family webs. Give people the choice to separate from those who are unhealthy for us, and let us live in peace with that decision. Respect it.

Why insist that we stay connected to people who are poison? Are we not far greater beings than our biological stamps?

2 Responses to “My sister has been shoved in my face recently”

  1. Sorrel
    Jun 08, 2010


    Right there with you on this one;I am currently completely estranged from both parents, won’t expose myself or my children to thier hurtful dysfunction anymore; I have in the past and my daughters paid the emotional price, I feel like it was my fault. Keep on doing your thing, Sis, many of us feel your pain.

    The Tlingit Jew from Alaska…

  2. mulderfan
    Sep 18, 2010

    Just recently had to severe ties with my younger brother who was tainted with the narcissism gene. Self preservation is a great motivator!

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About Loolwa

Loolwa KhazzoomLoolwa Khazzoom has worked with leading media outlets, including The New York Times, CNN, Rolling Stone, and ABC News. In addition, she has published two books and has lectured at prestigious venues including Barnard Center for Research on Women, the Simon Wiesenthal Center, and Harvard University. Loolwa is passionate about health, music, dance, multiculturalism, and Judaism.

Holistic Media, Marketing, PR

Loolwa Khazzoom is a a public relations manager specializing in holistic media, holistic marketing, holistic public relations, and holistic promotions. Her services include branding and messaging development, image and communications management, website content development and optimization, social media management, traditional media campaign management, book development, and in-house writing and editing.

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